There was a fun vibe tonight. Zand, Lucy Loone, Vanilla Sugar. You might be telling yourself, “wow FYSM, you’re really venturing out!” And I say, sure, go ahead, think that. But I also say that this was like a Halloween party in September, and Halloween is ALWAYS my vibe.
Outside was a beautifully stormy night, and inside was beautifully accepting dance party. Which is why I don’t want to write about it. How lazy of me.
But let’s be real – with a lineup like this, you know what you’re getting. You’re getting dark, queer, poppy rock with an audience of people who have a lot of pent up aggression to get out. And how could you blame them in the current climate of the world?
I don’t want to write about it. I want to make fun of people about it. Not the people enjoying themselves, or the artists providing the enjoyment, or Jacob giving people joints.
I want to make fun of the people who think acceptance is wrong. The people who think that I’m now gay because I saw Zand perform live. I want to make fun of fascists.
So here’s a Triggered Fascist posting on… I don’t know, what’s their current failed social media of choice? Truth Social? Sure. Here’s what a Triggered Fascist might have posted on Truth Social after seeing Zand. I’ll add grammar and punctuation so you can actually read it.
……….
Friends, we got a problem. I was sittin’ down eating my Patriotic American BBQ when a man girl walked by me. Why on God’s green Earth was this MAN wearing a DRESS? Friends, I investigated. This needs to be spread everywhere. Someone get Tucker on the phone!
Next door to the BBQ was a top secret room full of them transgendered gay people, ok? Men were wearing dresses, ok? Girls were naked, ok? They called us liars and crazy but I seened it with my own two eyes right here tonight!
In this room, KIDS (as young as 16 because there was an age limit but WHO CARES?) watched, with their breasts flapping in the breeze, as “non binary” WOMEN indoctrinated them with alphabet music and butt shaking.
Literally, one of them leaders, Vanilla Sugar, told all them kids to BOUNCE. Literally, BOUNCE (like they were all on penises, which I have a very trained eye to look out for)! Literally, she told them to CRY with her. Literally, she had RAINBOW LIGHTS flashing the entire time like a gay subliminal message!
Who tells kids to CRY and BOUNCE with them? Unless they have some ulterior, queer motive. I think they were making a queer army in this room.
They were recruiting kids for their queer army ALL NIGHT LONG! Get this – Lucy Loone, backed by a man in a small (but very cute, don’t tell my wife, I hate her) backpack, forced the kids to “get feral” with her while she put her behind on the microphone stand, and shook it! All night, that Lucy Loone was grabbing the microphone like it was a large and seductive penis while shaking her behind at the crowd like a promiscuous, sexual deviant shaking the straight away from our lovely children.
These people need God badly, but how do we bring God to a bunch of man womans who cheer when a red eyed girl pulsates her vagina on the ground while yelling, “eat it up!”?
She said her album comes out next month. For the love of God, it should come out never to save the kids.
I thought the worst was over friends. Then I saw a pair of breasts on the microphone stand. The lights went down. And another of them “non binary” womens came out dressed in NOTHING (except fishnets, underwear, tape, shoes, a wig, and a belt, but we’ll ignore that)! Her breasts were out for all these kids to see and they cheered it on!
But that wasn’t all. The songs the kids liked the most? The ones that made them kids scream the loudest? Were the ones about being “non binary” or “sluts”. All those innocent kids were being fully indoctrinated, not just into a queer army, but a SLUTTY queer army!
And get this – she’s from Blackpool. Last time I checked, that wasn’t in the United States of America. Someone confirm this for me?
But if that’s true, this is big friends. We’ve been looking at them Chinese, but it’s the Brits who are coming to harm our kids. They’re using “non binary horrorcore rock” to turn OUR kids against us God-Fearing Americans before cutting off their penises!
To be clear, I didn’t see any penis-cutting-off tonight. But they probably were backstage, so make a note of exactly that happening. But what I did see was a queer army jumping up and down while this naked person shook her booty on stage like Jesus Christ wasn’t watching and judging. I nearly fell over and was STOMPED to death because they shook the floor HARD exactly where I was standing, and only where I was standing. I’m positive they targeted me because they knew I was an infiltrator.
And folks, these kids were buying into it. Have you ever seened kids cheering at being queer? I saw that tonight. Where are we going wrong?
How do we stop this? Maybe we need to shoot up more places with a bunch of kids inside to show the kids we’re trying to save them? Or maybe throw all these people in jail until they turn straighter than God? I don’t know, but these random people having fun and feeling accepted during this one night at this one place that I would never have known existed if it weren’t for their BBQ is ruining this country and needs to be stopped until everyone is miserable like us!
……….
Fuck fascists. I entered that show as a straight while male. I left that show as a straight white male. I had fun at that show as a straight white male. Fuck people who can’t just let people listen to music that connects with them, support artists that support them back, and shake their fucking asses at an age appropriate show. It’s Zand. Adults are going to shake their fucking asses. Deal with it.
With or without their altitude sickness. Welcome to Colorado.
