Welcome to 2026 and another year of giving even less of shits. What do I mean by that? Well, read on to find out.
I went to a local birthday metal bash. How do I know it was local? Because 3 of the bands – Percipient, Torn From Existence, Neuromorphic – were from Colorado and one band – Ritual Noise Abuse – was from our neighbour down south, New Mexico.
How do I know it was a birthday bash? Because every fucking band, save for Ritual Noise Abuse, was celebrating someone’s birthday. And I don’t know why I’m so aggressive about it because I fucking love birthdays. I love that shit. I wanna celebrate everyone’s birthday.
It was a fucking birthday bash.
And it was great. But the audience wasn’t. You would think, with everything going on in the world, it wouldn’t take 3 bands for a circle pit to open up. After all, metal is a genre that exists to get your aggression out, and how are people not aggressive right now? Just look around!
On second thought, I take back my criticism of the audience. While it only took them to the third band to start moshing, I never even started. The world has exhausted me so much I couldn’t even join in the festivities that the crowd found the energy to eventually start.
This year has already felt like a decade, and it takes some time to realise that if you accidentally punch someone in a circle pit in Colorado, ICE won’t shoot you in the face. In fact, as long as you apologise, you won’t even have to leave the venue.
I don’t know what this year is going to hold. Probably nothing that great judging by January. But hey, let’s take some mother fucking victories while we can. Colorado has some sick ass metal bands. People ended the night inside a circle pit. And celebrating birthdays isn’t illegal yet!
