Driving to the Total Termination Tour featuring Shank Aaron, Alleycat, and Crankdat, I obviously had to look for parking. I thought I saw some down a side street, but that turned out to be fucking wrong. There were a shit ton of cop cars, a firetruck, some paramedics blocking the street instead.
I felt intrigued. I still left because I’m not a fucking idiot. But it was intriguing.
I found free parking right outside a paid lot. Wham bam score! But there were a handful of unhoused humans hanging out on that street. One, we’ll call him David because that’s his name, stopped me as I walked to the venue. He asked me to buy him dinner. So we walked to a fast food joint and I did.
I felt good. Helping others makes me feel good.
The line wrapped around the block. Literally. And the dude behind me – a man we’ll call Kyle because that’s his name – was already starting his journey up rainbow road. He saw my tattoos and told me, in a very serious tone, “I love clussy!” “What?” I responded. “You know, clown pussy!” Then he pulled up his phone! And unfortunately showed me a video of Alleycat. Not unfortunate because it was Alleycat, but unfortunate because I wanted to see some sweet ass clussy.
I felt happy. Making memorable moments with random strangers is always happy.
And then we all watched someone at the axe throwing bar next to the Ogden get a bullseye. We made eye contact with him, him with us… and his next shot was not a bullseye. It could have been the outside pressure, it could have been the fucking car accident, we’ll never know. But a driver who was texting did slam into the back of a truck just feet away from all of us. Both drove off like sad little toddlers.
I felt fortunate. I got to witness multiple rare things simultaneously. And I didn’t have to crash my own car in the process.
We’re 9 paragraphs in and I haven’t mentioned anything about the tour yet. And besides for the fact that it was just a fucking oddly eventful 2 hours beforehand, the reason is because inside the venue was all of the above rolled into one nice joint.
And I now can use some sweet ass similes to describe the show. For instance:
Crankdat makes me as happy as clussy makes Kyle.
All those crunchy basses and sharp percs intrigued me like that of a street full of raging first responders.
Saying everyone inside was so polite despite the chaos is dumb. But saying going to The Termination Tour made me feel as good as buying unhoused people dinner.
Well… good try, but not even Babe Ruth batted a thousand.
The man getting arrested at the show was like a bullseye followed by a car accident. Why was he so willing to get intro the police cruiser? Was it drugs? Alcohol? Did he get a head injury? A combination of only all 3? Who knows?!
Anyways, I felt fortunate being in that large room with a bunch of strangers high off their assess making memories only I’ll remember. Or, if you’re these guys, now you can remember too! I told you I took the fucking picture.
Long story short, The Termination Tour is better than clussy. And if you wanna come out me for that, than grab your parent’s laptop, load up some clown porn, go to The Termination Tour, and leave a comment. You fucking clussy.
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