There was an air of excitement walking into the Fillmore Auditorium. Was it because it’s finally getting cold outside and I love winter? Or was it because Zero 9:36, The Hu, and Asking Alexandria were playing that night? For the sake of this article, let’s say it’s the latter. But I think it might have been the former. I do love me winter.
Anyways, I didn’t start FYSM to become a journalist. I started it so I could dumb down my experiences to your (the person reading this) level. And if I had to dumb down this show to its most basic of basic, I’d say it was a humble and powerful experience. Humble from the gratitude shown by the bands, and powerful in their commanding of the stage. Nothing was unnecessary or over the top, and it didn’t need to be. No one had to cover their faults with extravagance.
But that’s pretty bullshit for Fuck Your Social Media. Humble/powerful? A two word review? Really? No. You come here to learn things. And I like learning things. And The Hu are from Ulaanbaatar in Mongolia. Which I know nothing about. So why don’t we bring out the High-Ciety Prick tonight? A man who thinks he knows all and does zero research to back it up because research is just short for “I don’t know” and pricks know everything.
……….
Finally, a proper musical locale. No smells of urine, no groping; just proper security protocols and cleanliness. On the surface at least. Colorado seems to have a problem with bathroom etiquette for whatever reason unknown. Open doors prevailed at the previous establishment and grown men peering down at my testicles while I urinate prevail apparently at this establishment. Colorado, please fix your bathroom situation, I don’t want people watching my penis while I pee. Aside finished.
Why am I here tonight? I was told a musical outfit from Mongolia was performing; I, as a world connoisseur, thought it be most appropriate for me to come and enjoy the “Asian persuasion” as my wife twenty years older would say. Women age like fine wine. As does cultural learning and world traveling.
I had assumed the Mongolian outfit would be the group titled “Asking Alexandria” for the simple fact that Mongolia and Egypt share a rich and diverse history. This rarely happens so please forgive me, but I was wrong. Let me elaborate as only a rich storyteller such as myself can.
A biblical band, Zero 9:36, graced the stage first. Three strapping young gentlemen, white in complexion, gracing us with traditional Mongolian folk music? How lovely!
No! Wrong!
These three young men had obviously never heard Mongolian music and know nothing about Mongolian culture! Western wear, Hellish growls, and guitars? Are you three youngsters mad?! My flame of excitement was instantly smothered as they began; my insides felt as if they were being blended into a rough martini or grainy puree; that sat unwell with me. They spoke no words of Mongolian. And while these gentlemen made sure to thank us with frequency I feel a “sorry for blending your insides” would have more sufficed. Why they played during a celebration of Mongolian culture I do not know and do not understand.
Performing latter was The Hu. Little but healthy me was surprised when these large men graced the stage in traditional Mongolian wear holding traditional Mongolian instruments such as the Mongolian Small Guitar or Mongolian Cello. These fine gentlemen were the leaders of the Mongolian Cultural Experience! Of course! That makes precise sense!
I was excited for these epic humans to grace us with traditional folk culture that wouldn’t tear apart my insides. This was a night about learning after all! As opposed to a night with frequent hospital visits and ruptured spleens.
Alas Denver is nothing but disappointments. Western culture has invaded Mongolia as demonstrated ever so profusely by The Hu and I will never forgive the city for which I witnessed this.
Did The Hu incorporate Mongolian throat singing into their music? Yes. Did they use traditional Mongolian instruments on stage? Yes. Did they cloth themselves in traditional Mongolian dress? Yes.
Did they use electric guitars, large drumsets, English language and heavy lights? Yes yes yes and also yes! Absurd! Nowhere in Mongolia would traditional throat singing invade the pit of my stomach! But here? It tickled my intestines! It was uncalled for! Nowhere in traditional Mongolian Culture would it say to tickle people’s inside with pain instead of pleasure! Nowhere in traditional Mongolian Culture would it say to accentuate your Cellos with electric guitars! Nowhere in traditional Mongolian Culture would it say to mix Western and Eastern influences gosh dangit!
The only bit of Mongolian Culture I witnessed, besides for the dress, instruments, singing techniques, and melodies, was the ceremonial wolf chant. At many points throughout the evening, the crowd would engage in ceremonial chants of “Hu”; it became clear to me their name: an establishment full of people chanting “Hu” sounds exactly like wolves.
Of course! Bravo gentlemen! Please incorporate that bit of Mongolian nostalgia throughout your entire discography and performance please! I want to be entertained, not killed!
But they weren’t the only Mongolian outfit of the night. Reread my words mere paragraphs above. Mongolia and Egypt have a vast history together, so obviously Asking Alexandria would be following in The Hu’s footsteps. Right? Wrong.
Asking Alexandria is nothing close to Mongolian, much less Eastern. They’re a bunch of powerful white men playing powerful, gut wrenching music. These men use this vast power and oomph to not change the trajectory of our painful history but instead to medically harm people. “Spread out!” they say. “Run into each other!” they say. “Circle pit! Circle pit!” they say.
As they say the people do. If these men told the unfortunate lemmings to jump off a cliff, well, they would empty out into the streets to go find a dangerous cliff to plunge off of.
This type of power is not just physical abuse; this is mental abuse as well. A poor young man that entered the arena that night as a normal member of society ended the night sitting on a step trying to dance without standing or moving his buttocks! Young sir, you can’t dance unless you stand up and shake your booty! Your brains have been turned to mush! Call a paramedic!
Asking Alexandria said they would take us on a journey at the beginning of the horror. Unfortunately this was not a journey to the nearest hospital! I believe it had some sort of connection to their longevity as a band. I’m unsure, but 15 years doing this to people seems like 15 years too many.
If this night has taught me anything, it’s that Western Imperialism is encroaching and disturbing traditional Eastern cultures. It’s inappropriate and I abhor this behavior. Mongolian music should not be comparable to Western music that sends people to hospitals and psychiatric wards. Mongolian throat singing should never be done with strobe light accoutrements.
I want to make it very clear that I oppose this disturbing blend of Eastern and Western Cultures and my night was ruined.
……….
The Prick strikes again! Anyways, here’s some photos:
