When I was in college, I was invited out to a sex dungeon in the middle of Amsterdam by the owners of said dungeon. So I got a plane ticket, and a week later, went to the airport where Ryanair cancelled my flight. Fucking assholes ruined my VIP sex dungeon trip.
Tonight’s show of Delores Galore, Gvllow, and Urban Heat reminded me of what could have been. Between the heavy fog, deep red lights, latex costumes, and various flavours of gothic German sex dungeon music, it seemed only appropriate that, during the night, someone clogged the women’s toilets, a sign was put on the men’s room denoting it was now for “men and women”, and that all was seen as perfectly normal and expected.
By the way, I failed geography.
Delores Galore is like 80’s German sex dungeon music. Synthy, dancey, latexy. Visually, it’s their first tour, and it shows. That’s not a bad thing, it’s a human thing. They’re embarking on a new, scary, draining, exciting journey. It’s like being in a German sex dungeon with no dominatrixes and people coming up to you going, “if you don’t mind, would you please put this latex hood on me and stick this plastic penis down my throat?” Polite, kinky, young in experience, not the whole shebang but enough to get your dick wet.
Gvllow is punk German sex dungeon music. Imagine punk music with a German sex dungeon flair. Or German sex dungeon music but in a punk style. Whatever floats your boat, do that, but it’s catchy as fuckity fuck. And the dude known as Gvllow is energetic as fuckity fuck. If I had to compare the energy and vibe of their show to a German sex dungeon, I would compare it to The Collector 2. But with less dead people and more leaving fulfilled and in one piece. It’s energetic and intense and unexpected after the timidness of Delores Galore but in a welcoming way.
And Urban Heat – rock German sex dungeon music. Rammstein with less pyrotechnics and more synthy sex. I felt like their show was what that Amsterdam trip would have been. A place where you go in, give them your safe word and limits, and then the Dominatrix shoves a dildo up your ass consensually because consent and safety are cool. In your face politeness and a want to perform up to your limits – that’s Urban Heat.
I didn’t know so many flavours of German sex dungeon music existed, but I’m glad I found them tonight. Overall, on a scale of, I’d give this 5 hard floggings on my behind. And I would highly recommend taking your Catholic parents to this show as a fun laugh!
If I get 1000 donations before September, I’ll buy branded FYSM condoms and hand them out at shows so you can stick your dick in me and fuck me silly. Because, you know, condom.
