I know what you’re thinking. Why is FYSM lying? Or, if you’re really old, what is Warped Tour?
Or really young I guess too.
Well… go figure it out. And while Warped Tour might not be back, Yellowcard IS back! And when you have a show featuring Yellowcard, Mayday Parade, Anberlin, and This Wild Life, it may as well be Warped Tour. Lite. And so, in honour of times of… immense failure trying to play the Ernie Ball Battle Of The Bands Stage, I thought I would write this as if I was a 15 year old Warped Tour girl circa 2007.
Whether or not that’s ok with you, without further adieu, here’s a 28 year old man in 2023 writing as if he was a 15 year old Warped Tour girl circa 2007 giving you her opinion on the Yellowcard show.
……….
OMG this wild life guys are like, uber talented. Super flipping talented! That one guy was playing guitar AND drums at the same time! Wait, was it a guitar? I think it was a mini guitar. Anyways there was only two guys in the band but somehow they were able to make like really cool music and I don’t know how they did it!
These guys are like super funny too. Budget Blink 182 my butt! These guys are like Blink 183 (lol the crew will get a kick out of that)! They even had cartoon character tattoos! I’m so glad I dragged my bff Carly to the show early to see them.
And then a bunch of old guys played after them. They called themselves anberlin and I’m glad my mom wasn’t there with us. Those old guys are so freaking crazy running around! My mom would make fun of us because we can barely run one lap around the field but these guys are running laps around the stage. AND she would call them all cute. Ewww! That’s so gross mom!
But those guys were so cool and nice I guess it’s ok. The lead singer gave someone the shirt off their back! LITERALLY! Well actually they gave someone their jacket but still. If I go to 51 more anberlin shows will they give me their jacket? I hope so!
Mayday parade is Carly’s favorite band so she was uber excited for these guys. She was literally singing along to everything. Her boyfriend broke up with her like 2 weeks ago so I’m glad mayday parade played. I’m glad Carly was there too because some drunk lady tried to sing with me and I didn’t know the lyrics but Carly did so they sang together and she saved me.
I was only there really for yellowcard. And OMG THEY WERE FUCKING AMAZEBALLS (don’t tell my mom I said that)! They had like these awesome lights to their songs and were jumping around on stage and the people next to me wouldn’t shut up but that’s ok because neither would I because I knew all the lyrics and we danced together and sang together and I didn’t get their names but that’s ok because I’m seeing yellowcard!!! This is the best night of my life!!! Even better then when we snuck into prom as freshmen and hung out in the halls because we didn’t do know anybody. Just make sure you stay until the very end because EVERYONE knows the lyrics at the end and EVERYONE sings along!
And make sure you ask your mom for extra money. Their shirts cost so much money.
……….
How’d I do? Did it sound like it was written by a teen Warped Tour girl circa 2007? I hope so! Because I was not a teenager in 2007. And not a girl. Do you know how many Bryanstars videos I had to watch to remember what 2007 sounded like? Feel free to donate to my therapy.
See, I was never cool enough to go to Warped Tour on my own. But when I got my first iPod, with the scroll wheel and no internet access, I filled it with Yellowcard and Anberlin. And now that I’m a 28 year old man, I’m finally cool enough to go to a concert alone. And it just so happened that Yellowcard and Anberlin were on the bill.
Now I want to be very clear: while the above persona, and friends in general, don’t exist, the feelings being felt were the same. And it felt embarrassing writing them down as a grown ass man, so I did the less embarrassing thing and pretended I was a teenage girl. With actual friends.
How much of that was fictitious and how much actually happened? Let’s just say that, while this girl and her friends weren’t real, that drunk lady sure was. And the amount of dancing sure was. And everyone belting along to Ocean Avenue definitely was.
And while I’m not gay, Anberlin, you know how to reach me.
